“I don’t love her any more! And I’ve told her,” I felt shocked at what I was hearing, but at the same time I felt pity for his situation. A few years ago, I was going through the same situation with my wife.
I explained that marriage is about two people working to strengthen their bond. Marriage isn’t easy. Listening, understanding, and even sacrificing for your spouse can feel heavy. Especially when the love, joy, and happiness you feel for your spouse aren’t always there.
Unlike many other relationships, you can’t simply throw in the towel and give up. Once you marry someone, you committed yourself, It’s not as easy to walk out and move on.
My friend continued saying he asks his wife to do stuff which she doesn’t. He feels that they’re always butting heads. At times, he feels it’s best that they ignore each other and live parallel lives. Even though they live in the same house.
I told him that if you have many requests and feel that she’s not listening to most of your requests. Then you need to reduce the number of requests. The requests which aren’t important, and can be compromised, don’t bother bringing them up.
That doesn’t mean you accept everything your spouse does. You should have fundamentals which you don’t compromise on. Red lines which don’t get crossed and make these clear.
By reducing the number of requests, your spouse won’t feel bombarded by all the requests, making it easier for her to fulfil them.
He responded by saying she doesn’t seem to be listening to him. What makes matters worse is that he feels she doesn’t listen to him simply because he asked. But if someone else asked her, she would have no problems listening.
I explained to him, that as a parent I learned if you told a child a thousand times to do something and the kid’s not listening. And you’re still telling the kid, then the issue isn’t with the kid, it’s with you. Change your technique, try different methods and see what works best.