At this rate, we’re going to get divorced. I was shocked, the words hit hard, as I know I was in the same predicament with my wife a few years ago.
A friend of mine was speaking to me and the issue of his marriage came up. I asked how his wife was doing, and he mentioned a few issues and finally said at this rate we’re going to get divorced.
As I inquired, with the intention of helping him. He said he has tried everything to help the marriage but feels nothing is working. Even though he and his wife are living together, he feels as if they are living parallel lives with nothing in common.
I felt his pain and told him I was in a similar situation with my wife. After the honeymoon period, when the love began to fade, that’s when the difficulties appear.
I told him that a problem which usually happens is if one or both spouses are not sexually satisfied.
He said, how can I get sexually satisfied when I have a great dislike for my wife, and I’ve told her this. (big mistake, being 100% truthful in marriage isn’t always the best option. You can say white lies to keep the love running)
I asked him if he could see trouble arising when one or both spouses has tension building up during the day. And no way to release that tension. A common way to release that tension would be through sexual satisfaction.
A day or two of tension build-up is bearable. But weeks or months of tension build-up, then most likely it will get released in an undesired way. Undesirable ways of releasing tension include fights, arguments, and even unfaithfulness in relationships.
If you look at it from a strategic point of view, your marriage issues are like a ‘war’. (the enemy being the marriage issues and not your spouse). It’s unlikely that this ‘war’ which has been going on for at least weeks is going to be settled from one incident. You need to take it on the battle by battle, problem by problem.
And one of the major issues which leads to many other problems is the lack of sexual fulfilment in marriage.
The ideal channel for tension to get released is through sexual fulfilment. A lack of tension in marriage won’t aggravate other marital problems.