I wasn’t as grateful as I should have been to my mother when I was younger. I was a rebellious child with way too much energy. For sure, I drove my mother mad at times. I did want to make up for my mischievous past, but that all changed when my mother passed away from cancer.
You never know the value of something until after you lose it. I’ve learnt that if there’s one thing you can’t replace, it’s your mother. Lost wealth and friends are replaceable, and even if you lose a body part, you can use a prosthetic. You can’t replace the love and concern a mother has for her child.
In the earlier years
When I was younger, my siblings and I were very difficult to manage. Our father would spend most of the day at work trying to make ends meet, which left us with our mother. Even though we may have been poor compared to others, we were happy.
Many of my childhood memories were of me and my sibling arguing or fighting, or getting into trouble. I remember times I got injured, went to the hospital, got hit by a car and even had the entire cupboard fall on me. When you are an active kid, you tend to get injured a lot.
As I used to reflect on my childhood memories, I only used to think of how I felt, the pain and joy. But after being a parent, I started to realize how worried I would have made my mother.
It started to become less about me and more about her
Becoming sick, getting injured and even going to the hospital was no longer only about me. But now, about how I made my mother feel. When I was sick, upset, or injured, it was my mother next to me comforting me. If I failed an exam, it was my mother who had sleepless nights from it.
It’s upsetting that I only realised my mother’s pain after I became a parent. I wish I had released it before my mother passed away. I also wish she was here for me to make it up to her for the times I made her upset. Or comfort her for the ties I made her cry.
The best thing I can do for my mother is to pray for her and learn from my mistakes. I’ve realised I need to start living in the past rather than the future. Instead of waiting for tomorrow to do a thing, do it now. As tomorrow may never come.
They say the richest place in the place is the graveyard. It’s full of dreams and hopes for a people who tomorrow never came.
If I’m upset with someone, I should make up with them, as I don’t know if this would be the last time I would see them.
Reminiscing on how my mother used to deal with my energy levels has helped me with dealing with my children. I finally realise where they get their madness from. I can’t match the level of love she had for me, as it becomes clear when the kids need a nappy change. But her example has given me direction on where I need to be with my kids.