from depression to bliss – my journey

i was depressed. i didn’t know why, i didn’t know how to stop it, i was extremely successful in hiding it from everyone, but as soon as i was all alone thats when my depression came, my depression was was like a superhero’s identity, hidden from the people, only to come out when i was alone.

whatever i did, it just felt it was making the depression worse, music, drugs, even being in the company of someone helped but as soon as i left them that’s when the depression came back. i would be amazed how quick my depression would come when i’m by myself, only to disappear within seconds when i meet a friend and come back instantly come back the moment i leave them.

cheerfulness to a human is like water to a fish, take that fish out of water and see what happens to it. that’s was the analogy of my depression. a fish flopping on his side looking it to the pond watching all the other fishes swim. why am i the only one that cant get in the pool. why’s everyone so happy except me?

it made things worse because i hid it from so many people including myself. ‘im ok, there’s nothing wrong, just need to change this or that and i’ll be fine’ the longer it went on the more i lied to myself and the worse i felt

in the end i gathered up all my strength and spoke to a close friend on mine. after explaining my situation his answer shocked me. but sadly it was so true, he said ‘its normal, everyone gets depressed’. this can’t be true. there must be another way. i want get out. the the saying of Henry David Thoreau came to mind “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation”.

thankfully this was years ago and now my depression has completely gone. it does come back every few months but only lasts maximum an hour or so. more importantly i know what triggers my depression and i know how to get rid of it. but my journey from chronic depression to where i am now was a long and painful journey. i will later blog more about my battle with depression.

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