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see what i benefited from conflict

are you depressed at times? feeling down? you’d be surprised how something as small as a hug can make a big difference. in life we learn from a young age how to be a better person but we are not prepared for conflict. what can be learnt for conflict so as to be better prepared for conflicts.

i got upset with my step son a few days ago for not doing his chores. during our conversion with him he wasn’t responding, i asked a question and no answer. my polite question (similar to a small knock on the door) got no response. so i raised my voice and asked the same question (the small knock on the door turned to banging on the door). still no answer. as we were talking, i didn’t realize at the time, but i was raising my voice as out conversion progressed. my ‘small knock on the door’ turned to banging and before i knew if i had a canon pointing at the door just to get through to my son.

so common sense finally came through to me and i left the room. some of my children followed me. as i was still angry i was talking to myself (more like shouting). my wife came in the room and told the kids to leave, and hugged me, she politely asked me to be quiet. while she hugged me (what felt like eternity) i calmed down. when my senses returned to me i felt quite embarrassed at my outburst of anger.

i later on confessed to my wife that i enjoyed the hug, she replied that she had learnt it from me. ‘form me ???’ i don’t remember talking to you about hug (hahah ‘talking’ about hugs) she said when ever shes angry and i hug her, her anger quickly went.

lessons to be learnt:

i’m not going to talk about my step sons mistake as its obvious to me his mistake of not doing his chores. but rather i will ponder my actions, see from my action what i will be proud off/ and can be used as role model for other, and see where i could have improved and learn from my mistakes.

my first mistake i felt i made was i should have found a better time to speak to him, he seemed a bit busy at the time and i was in the middle of something so the time and situation could have been better. there was definitely a problem in the communication side. this may have been the reason when i asked him a question he didn’t respond .

another action i could have made better was when he didn’t respond to me, for me get through to him i thought (well i didn’t think about it) of raising my voice, until it got louder and louder. before i knew it i had a huge cannon pointing at him just to get through to him. when i realised he was unresponsive i should have either stopped the conversation for another time or got a third person involved.

also our sensitive conversation should have not happened in front of other people. my stepson may have been more accepting if we spoke privately. speaking in front if others may have made him feel more embarrassed and therefore less responsive.

i was pleased that when the conversation became heated i left the room but i should’ve not have let it become heated (i should have not got angry in the first place) and should have left the room a lot sooner.

i was pleased that that my wife got involved and quickly diffused the situation. and when she hugged my my within seconds my anger disappeared. soon after i felt a wave of embarrassment and resent. this magical feeling i had when my wife hugged my waas unexplainable.

i used to think hugs were mainly for women when they feel down so i felt it wasn’t for me. but after relsie how quickly my anger subside from a single hiug and a acknowledgement from my wife on how hugs help her too, i’ve become a big fan of hugs.

conclusion

there is much to be learnt from conflicts, and much to be gained. i learnt when arguing with someone, it should be done while cool minded. a moment of patient in times of anger will prevent a thousand moments of regret. also i’ve learnt if the situation gets heated you should defuse it quickly either by leaving the room or get a third person involved. if angry, i need to find methods which calm me down. hugs are a great to calm down.

what do you do when wanting to calm down, let me know in the comments below.

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